"The Ambiguous White Sneaker"

Nothing--and I truly mean nothing--is quite like the disappointment when seeing an otherwise attractive male wearing horrific footwear. Call me a terrible person, but I simply cannot tolerate running shoes (i.e. Asics Gel Kayano or similar silhouette) worn with jeans. Yes, that Gel Kayano may be one of the top selling, top performing trail and distance running shoes for the past 5 to 10 years, but its performance off the road? Incredibly awkward and emasculating actually. That huge shoe is, minute by minute, draining out all of your swag from every pore. I automatically deduct 3 attractiveness points on the 1-10 scale if I spot this beastly sneaker/jean combination on a potential candidate. More points are deducted if the sneaker is beaten to a meshy pulp. The meshy pulp- thus, therefore, furthermore, etc. etc. is a symbolic representation ... OF??? Your manhood. Ouch.

Why the harshness, you ask?
A trouser leg simply cannot fall on a sneakered foot without looking:
a) too short
b) too long and bunchy, giving a faux "2003 thug" look. Faux because you have a freaking running sneaker on and you're not running, hiking, or exerting yourself in anyway other than drinking a Heinekin.
or
c) cheaply constructed (something I like to call the "Wrangler" visage...)

All of these are in violation of pleasurable aesthetics and proportion. In other words one simply cannot spit adequate game when looking like he has outgrown his jeans, is wearing another taller man's jeans, or (worst of all!) is wearing his father's lawn-mowing jeans from the early 1990s.

Now let me take this one step further. If the sneaker in question is that of the ambiguous white variety (think KSWISS, white New Balance...) then all visual hell breaks loose on the poor misguided wearer.

By selecting a large, lumbering white athletic shoe, the rest of any paired outfit becomes completely and utterly irrelevant. At this point you should probably just put on some medium wash, relaxed fit denim and add 30 years to your age.