Jeggings: Jigga whaAaaaAt?

Perhaps it is time to discuss the elephant in the room.

You know whatI'mtalkin'bout.

Jeggings.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, I recoiled backward several yards upon first hearing of these bad boys. However, I do admit that certain tasteful mass retailers such as J.Crew and Zara have managed to execute the style in an attractive manner. I myself do not own jeggings in their true form, yet I will nod in respect to another (female) member of society who does choose to wear an appropriately styled pair.

My main concern here, however, is with the backwoods family of jeggings seen most prominently on boardwalks (on BOTH coasts!!) and on the span of Broadway in NYC between 25th and 30th streets. Think: spray painted faux Ed Hardy type deals. Or printed denim on microfiber spandex.

Can someone PLEASE explain the rationale behind printing stitches on leggings? Do you think we can't tell that these "stitches" seem to be quite warped and elongated across the backside of the wearer in question? A most unflattering look indeed! Hundreds of tiny stretchable printed lines charting the undulations of the bod.

Again, correct me if I'm wrong but the main function of leggings should probably be as a streamlining garment. No bulky waistbands or unflattering whiskering commonly seen on jeans. Obnoxious screenprints or spraypainted biznass probably negate any potential figure flattering that a legging could do.

So while I'm still having a rough time coming to terms with what a fly-less crotchal region on the front of a pair of jeggings can do to some wearers choosing to wear shorter length shirts, I will send out a mental peace offering. A tasteful, refined jegging can be executed appropriately. It can "be the right outfit for the daaaay," as little Edie from Grey Gardens would say. But for goodness sakes, let's leave screenprinting to the t-shirt world!

Ruminations

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally for not blogging in a while.


Inevitably with the onset of fall comes feelings of sentimentality and a desire to scrap the tomfoolery of a sweaty summer in New York. Fashion week works wonders as a little slap to the backside of our collective urban populace. [Ahem: Time to put away those predictable smocked sundresses, myself included...]

So what can fall bring besides untraceable whiffs of smoked sausages and prepackaged Halloween costumes?

Why, I'm so glad you asked!

As far as I'm concerned, I'm placing my bets on popcorn knit sweaters, boots with daaa furrr (but not like THAT), and shearling. Throw in a few dolman and cape silhouettes with attached ribbed cuffs and you got the top covered. No pants for you!

Just kidding.

Perhaps I will give you pants. I will give you non-denim creations in a wide variety of tailored cuts. Some still skinny, some tapered, some artfully cropped and cuffed. Ta da! Fully clothed.
But really, pass on the denim. This year is not the year of the jean.

On a more reflective note, there is a clear reversion to more conservative styling going on all around us, especially this fall. A sigh of relief. Though I've been known for my mini dress/skirt/etc. getups, I never was a fan of overly tight-fitting attire. And let's face it, we're all getting older, even if we are still "young" by most standards. Piling on layers of interesting fabrics really excites me now. Large silk shirts and billowing trousers are quickly becoming close friends. [Side note: Except not when it flash thunderstorms when one is attempting to navigate home whilst wearing insanely large silk polka dotted pants and 5 inch platform sandals. This would be a time when billowing fabric quickly becomes soggy, twisted fabric and a foe! Blasphemy.]

But matronly? Never. Not when styled appropriately. A platform sandal or boot with an otherwise questionable ensemble can really do wonders. Add a jarring digital watch and some lip/cheek tint and you're good to go as long as the weather holds up.

Could my theoretical projections of the Fall 2010 to come also be linked to a fast approaching personal spinsterhood of large hair, large jewelzz, and large furs? Most likely, yes. But not all of us can be content to wear the uniform of current mainstream fashion day in and day out. I'll take the single life and a hot toddy too!

The Denim Mini Skirt in a Post Millennial World

I admit it. I held onto my Hollister denim mini skirt with sequins strewn about the pockets for entirely way too long. I would picture scenarios in my mind where this skirt could actually be acceptable to wear. These scenarios, naturally, involved mostly themed parties or my alabaster self in some sort of poser "beachy" situation.

One day, a few months ago, I finally let go.

I--at the very core of my being-- believe there are some articles of clothing that must be called "closet hermits." Not hermit like the crab, hermit like the crabby old recluse living in the woods behind your high school.

And not closet like closeted, closet like the literal glorious space where furs and luxurious silk pants are stored. (And if they are not, they should be!)

Anyway, the denim skirt is the coronated queen of the closet hermits. She hangs there: defiant, mainstream, yet unwearable in most social settings. Unsophisticated and brazenly holding onto the worst parts of the 90s aesthetic. A stereotypical wardrobe "staple" yet at the same time, not part of a functional wardrobe at all. Which leads me to ask: What does a grown adult actually DO with a denim mini skirt? Use it as a rag? Swaddle a newborn child in it?

Closet hermits in this post millennial world of ours cause myself significant stress. I feel active anxiety when an article of clothing is not being worn, yet is hanging in my closet. Obviously, me and the Hollister denim mini would exchange suspicious looks every time I opened the double doors to my closet at home.

Oh haaaaiiii denim mini. Fancy seeing you here! (Coughcough as you NEVER leave...) No, I will not be wearing you today. Today I cannot be mistaken for a 12 year old. And your attitude is not appreciated!

Etc. etc.

Then I realized a number of things, not the least of which was that I was both talking to an inanimate object and giving this object personality traits. Concerning.