Meditations on the "kitten heel"

I've spent all day feeling uncomfortable about the combination of metallic accents that I'm wearing. In an effort to ignore this ridiculous state of mind, I've reverted to a question I frequently find myself asking: why does the "kitten heel" exist???

[Note: I define a kitten heel to be any thinner or tapered heel below 1.5".]

Those who know me well probably have heard me talk about heel commitment. I believe one must commit to the heel or commit to the flat ground. None of this wishywashy kitten business. I am one of those fortunate people with a high tolerance for foot pain, so I frequently choose to spend my nights teetering around on four or more inches of shoe. I realize this does not appeal to many perfectly respectable and fashionable females, yet I beg to these anti-platform souls: please commit to the flat!

A good friend of mine emails, "The kitten heel is just such a useless thing because it provides none of the leg elongation of the high heel nor any of the comfort of the flat. Abomination!"

Glad to see I have support in this!

1) Offense at the function level. The kitten heel gets caught in all sorts of crevasses, resulting in wobbly ankle syndrome. This syndrome, while present in normal heel wearing, is exaggerated in the kitten heel wearer due to the angle of the foot and weight distribution over the measly heel. While I can forgive an ankle wobble here or there during normal heel wearing, wobbling on kitten heels is, in my opinion, a rather tragic and unnecessary experience for the female.

2) Offense at the aesthetic level. Heels (specifically stilettos, the name for which is derived from the Italian word for "dagger") were originally engineered to lengthen the leg and emphasize the stature of the wearer. The higher the heel, the smaller the length of the foot looks in relation. Small feet are less offensive than larger feet, generally, except when in members of the male sex.

When wearing a flat shoe, the wearer accepts the length of the foot as natural. The wearer walks with the full length of the foot displayed. This is all good.
When wearing a heeled shoe, the toes of the wearer point downward, and the ankle is angled in such a way as to conjure an image of passion. (I'll leave the rest unstated. This has been discussed in numerous theoretical works on the heeled shoe- I kid you not.)

When wearing a kitten heel, however, the smallness of heel in relation to the length of the foot is a jarring and absurd image. Moreover, if pants are involved in the mess, the pant legs simply hover a little over the ground. Is there a heel there? Are the pants too short?? How dreadful a sight!

I could continue on, but I'm elevating my blood pressure. I'll recommence soon with lessons on what I like to call the "strategic midriff" ...