The Denim Mini Skirt in a Post Millennial World

I admit it. I held onto my Hollister denim mini skirt with sequins strewn about the pockets for entirely way too long. I would picture scenarios in my mind where this skirt could actually be acceptable to wear. These scenarios, naturally, involved mostly themed parties or my alabaster self in some sort of poser "beachy" situation.

One day, a few months ago, I finally let go.

I--at the very core of my being-- believe there are some articles of clothing that must be called "closet hermits." Not hermit like the crab, hermit like the crabby old recluse living in the woods behind your high school.

And not closet like closeted, closet like the literal glorious space where furs and luxurious silk pants are stored. (And if they are not, they should be!)

Anyway, the denim skirt is the coronated queen of the closet hermits. She hangs there: defiant, mainstream, yet unwearable in most social settings. Unsophisticated and brazenly holding onto the worst parts of the 90s aesthetic. A stereotypical wardrobe "staple" yet at the same time, not part of a functional wardrobe at all. Which leads me to ask: What does a grown adult actually DO with a denim mini skirt? Use it as a rag? Swaddle a newborn child in it?

Closet hermits in this post millennial world of ours cause myself significant stress. I feel active anxiety when an article of clothing is not being worn, yet is hanging in my closet. Obviously, me and the Hollister denim mini would exchange suspicious looks every time I opened the double doors to my closet at home.

Oh haaaaiiii denim mini. Fancy seeing you here! (Coughcough as you NEVER leave...) No, I will not be wearing you today. Today I cannot be mistaken for a 12 year old. And your attitude is not appreciated!

Etc. etc.

Then I realized a number of things, not the least of which was that I was both talking to an inanimate object and giving this object personality traits. Concerning.